Best Served Strange
by Generic Fantasy Gamer
Summary: Dresden is having a bad day. First his clothes are destroyed by a bunch of exploding mini demons. Then he goes to the mall to replace his clothes, and more of the imps attack. More places start popping up with the things. Where are they coming from? And why do they seem to operate under an unusual magical principle? And who is the mysterious man that is present at every attack?


Dawn arrived to reveal me yet again dripping in gore and cursing my luck. This case wasn't the worst case I had ever had to deal with, but it certainly had put me in a bad mood. I mean, demons that split into more demons when you cut them apart are pretty common, but ones that explode after you finally sever their magics? What kind of sadistic demon summoning madman would do that? For that matter, why summon demons in a city park? Plus, after all that, I still didn't catch the guy!

Hi. I'm Harry Dresden, professional wizard and slayer of monsters and spooky threats of all kinds. Lately I have been dealing with a lot of cases like this, cases that are more irritating than they are dangerous. Not much comes to town to tango with the man that can reanimate an ancient dead dinosaur and use it to rip apart a thousand zombies while battling with insane necromancers.

But that's another story.

The demonic bits evaporated into ectoplasm as usual. After the bits melted away and the gore disappeared, I found myself covered in stains. My clothes were an absolute wreck, too holed to salvage. I looked like a runaway circus performer that got covered in florescent paint and then stabbed a dozen times. Only my spell-reinforced leather jacket had survived the fight with nothing more than the stains.

"Gaaaaah. My clothes are ruined. I don't think I can fix this even with magic." I muttered to myself, and then limped over to my car, the trusty Blue Beetle. The Beetle is a beat up old Volkswagen Bug that used to be blue, but the parts had been replaced so many times that my car was pretty much every color under the sun EXCEPT for Blue. The trusty Beetle is a warrior with a lot of old scars. It has seen me through a lot of sticky situations.

Ignoring the stares of several pedestrians, I tossed my rune-carved staff nonchalantly into the back seat. I started up the Beetle, and peeled out of there. I polished a speck of demon blood off of the gunmetal gray of the dash. All the wood was eaten out of the Beetle. Mold demons can be irritating that way.

I checked the time. Still 2 o'clock. It was high time I bought some new clothes. _After all_, I thought cynically, _I have to have SOMEthing to get ripped up and destroyed tomorrow._ I would go to my tailor, Jake, but he is out of town. I use a tailor because I am almost freakishly tall. Like, NBA tall. I guess I will have to hit the Big and Tall store.

I stopped by at home and changed, carelessly dropping the demon-stained clothes on the floor in my room. I live in a tiny apartment at the base of a townhouse building, which I rent at a pretty low price. It isn't much, but I decorated it myself with a lot of comfortable furniture and colorful rugs. It is really easy to relax in my home.

I thought for a moment, and then decided to check my lab before I left. I wearily opened up the trapdoor in my apartment, and let myself down into the sub-basement. The revealed lab has a copper-ringed circle set into the floor which I keep scrupulously cleared and cleaned. It also has two workbenches and a lot of those white plastic racks you can buy at Walmart. The racks are full of every kind of exotic material I could find, everything from lion's hearts to bottled baby laughs to a lead-lined box full of depleted uranium dust. The whole place smelled like dust and paint, an unfortunate side effect of a spell gone wrong. It's a long story.

There is also a bleached bone white skull sitting on the work area, surrounded by stubs of used candles and a couple of particularly racy romance novels.

I didn't want to waste any time. "Hey, Bob, wake up. I have questions." I leaned on the desk, waiting.

Orange lights began to glow inside the eye sockets of the skull. Then the skull opened its jaws and yawned, then spoke. "Yeah? Whaddaya want this time?"

I should explain. Bob is a spirit of intellect that was sealed into this skull a long time ago. He belonged to my one time mentor, Justin Dumorne (Now deceased - long story). He also once belonged to the evil necromancer Kemmler. Bob's knowledge is a dangerous thing, but as long as I keep him with me, I make sure he isn't used for any terrible ends. I hope.

_Bob seems cranky today_. "Easy Bob. Don't give me any of your lip today. I-"

The skull howled with laughter, despite its distinct lack of lungs or vocal cords. "Give...you...LIP...Buddy, I haven't GOT any lips..." The skull wheezed, and then burst back into laughter.

I gave the skull a murderous glare. "Look, Bob, just let it pass. I am not in the mood for this right now."

Bob continued wheezing and suppressing giggles for a few moments, but eventually composed himself. "What do you want to know then, O master of lip service?" and with that he was off again.

"Now Bob," I shouted futilely, "Just because I said it ONE TIME doesn't mean it's going to happen again!"

Why do I bother? He never lets me forget anything. I am not a particularly religious man, but one time I did pray to God for something. I got it, too. I made the mistake of telling Bob. Now he will never let me live it down.

"Look Bob, all I need to know is what you know about demons that explode...AFTER you sever all their magic. If they have no power left, how can they explode?" I glared at the skull, daring him to keep cracking wise. My hands itched to grab my trusty claw hammer, a favorite tool of mine for threatening my wiseass talking skull.

"Say...what? Uhh...was this a major league summoning? No, no, you still have all your limbs, couldn't be. I haven't heard of such a thing before. Can you tell me any more?" Bob sounded very excited. He loves to learn new things.

I thought for a few moments. What more was there to tell. Unless...the stains? Shouldn't those have faded? "I have an idea!" I said excitedly, and then dashed up the ladder. I excitedly went into my room to fetch my soiled clothes.

"Wait! What's your idea? What's going on?" Bob called after me petulantly.

I shoved open the door to my room in a rush, excited at the prospect of solving this case.

I drew back in surprise and stared in shock. The demon-stained clothes...were gone.


End file.
